If u ReAlli LuV a PeRson,u muZ luV hiM/hEr 4 wAt he/sHe iS...

AdvaNce 21st biRthdae CeLebRation at ALoha LoyanG

2005-04-09T17:27:00.000+08:00

baCk fr my birthdae chalet liao...the location of my chalet was Aloha Loyang Seaview Bungalow 10...super duper happie as a lot of frenz turned up 4 my 21st birthdae 2 share the joy wif mi...my actual birthdae is on the 12th April but i celebrated it earli becoz my actual birthdae falls on a Tues...if i were 2 celebrate it on Tues den i gonna miss out a lot of my NS guy frenz & oso my working class ppl of frenz...so Fri is an ideal dae...moreover, i gonna make sure every1 who is there, had each of their individual group of frenz 2 mix around wif so tat they wont b left out...

on 8th April, in the morning, i go office 1st 4 office meeting den afta tat, i took a train down 2 Pasir Ris coz meeting 2 of my secondary skool xiaodi, Yuen Kiat & Tingyi & other secondary skool frenz, Alan, Jason & Candy...btw, i realli need 2 thank Candy...she was the 1 who helped mi 2 book the Chalet at Aloha Loyang at a rate of $130/nite ONLI, w/o her, i will b getting the 1 nite chalet at $333 instead...realli a big DIFFERENCE!!! moreover, at tat pt of time when i book the chalet, next dae, i lost my job as my boss is financially in debt...aniwae, tats the past..most imptly, w/o Candy help, i am not able 2 book tis big chalet 2 accomodate all my frenz...CANDY, THANK U SO MUCH!!!

Candy drove us there fr Pasir Ris 2 the location as well...realli thank her so much 4 all the trouble...when we rch there, we book in 1st den walk 2 the bungalow....i was so so so joyful & was overwhelmed by the spacious bungalow....it has 4 rooms wif attached bathrooms & aircon: 2 rooms wif queen-sized beds & another 2 rooms each haf 2 single-sized beds...it was damn FANTASTIC!!! the kitchen was big as well wif fully equipped crockery, microwaves, cups & etc...

CaLyNn & CaNdy ---->

i was so excited & juz couldnt wait 4 my celebration...i settled down in a queen-sized bedroom while Yuen Kiat they all r playing poker cards in the living room....i left them in the bungalow & went 2 njoy jacuzzi @ around 5 plus...afta a while, i went back 2 bathe & afta bathing, not long, Leslie & his female fren came...he passed mi my present & i like the outlook of the box as he designed it himself...thanx, dude...aniwae, he joined my frenz in the game while i went 2 get drinks 4 them...

Leslie wif his female fren & mi ---->

7pm came liao & the buffet person came 2 set up liao...more & more of my frenz came as well...realli veli bz coz i had 2 make sure tat i had entertained all my frenz & cannot left them out...i had invited my Primary skool frenz, secondary skool frenz, poly frenz, giordano colleagues, IRAS colleagues as well as outside frenz & not 2 4get tat Princess Amy was there too...besides tat, sum of my relatives r there too....my AIA insurance agent & his wife & Mr Sylvester who is the 1 who made & delivered my birthdae cake 2gether wif his wife were there too...

My relatiVes ---->

I was really happie 2 c most of my frenz turned up on my birthdae celebration…4 sum of my frenz, it had been decades since I last saw them…thanx dear frenz 4 making the effort 2 cum down despite of ur work, NS or exams…*hugz*

my IRAS ex-colleagues in yr 2001 ( fr left to rite: Eddie, birthdae gal [mi], Adele, Roger, Nicholas, Wenzhen & Wenzhen's gf) ---->

My Giordano ex-colleagues oso came down fr work…haha…my “rich dad”, Henry came wif his wife, Phyllis & his kids..

Henry, Phyllis & mi ---->

muz b surprised y I called him “rich dad”?? coz he asked mi 2 read up a book call “rich dad, poor dad” …besides tat, he is a super clever man…he noe how 2 judge wat kind a person is at the 1st impression thru chatting a while but of coz he would b able 2 judge more in depth if he noe the person more lah…but 2 judge a person character at the 1st time he met is not a easy thing..tis is the reason y I called him rich dad & he was like my daddy coz he took care of mi well when I was working wif him at Toa Payoh 3 Giordano..thanx Henry…b4 I go on, u noe wat? I gave them a rm tat dae coz his baby wan slp den ah, he washed the aircon leh, ensuring tat was cold so tat, I am able 2 slp well..(note: he alwaes washed aircon in TPY3 so tat it was cold, 3 b honest, out of all street shops of Giordano tat I been, TPY3 aircon is the BEST!! wuahahaha..he really tk gd care of all the staff 1), aniwae, he tot I slept tat rm but I told him I b slping in the queen sized bed rm rather than single sized bedrm…he wanna wash 4 mi but I sae dun wan as he was my guest..aniwae, juz stay 1 nite so its okie…his wife, Phyllis oso a Giordanian..& she was oso like my mum coz she gave mi advises in relationship coz she noe I had been deeply hurt…she said tis 2 mi, “things tat r hard 2 cum by haf more values”!! I will alwaes remember tat…she asked mi 2 njoy myself 1st coz I am still young…I agreed & I understand tat & now, it had alwaes b in my heart…oopss…I am off track of my topic liao..back 2 it now..aniwae, other of my giordano colleagues r here too, sum aledi left Giordano...Huilin, Fanny, Joseph, Zhengrong, Francis etc...

Huilin & mi ---->

Joseph & mi

Fanny & mi ---->

Abt 9:20pm, my sec skool guy frenz helped mi 2 shift the tables so tat I could put my cake on it..i was so so excited although I celebrate earlier by a few daes but it seemed 2 b on the actual dae… getting all the sincere wishes fr my frenz when they rch my chalet…thanx 2 all my dear frenz…my best frenz, Theresa, Tracy & Jacqueline helped mi 2 lite up the candles

my triple chocolate 21st birthdae CaKe ---->

& birthdae song started…sang fr all my frenz & relatives around mi…was touched coz nv had tis kind of celebration in my life…although I am single whereby Rae was no longer wif mi but I had all these great frenz around mi…especially my frenz who noe tat I am down when Rae left mi…thanx Melissa, Liping, Theresa many many more..u all noe who r u…afta the English version of the birthdae song, Theresa continued the Chinese version & every1 joined in as well…I was surprised they sang the Chinese version.. thanx my dear mei, Theresa!! I wanna thank u 4 ur effort in creating such a great atmosphere 4 mi!!

wat wisHes i made???

yeah..i got the KEY!!!

When I was distributing cake, Melissa came wif his bf, Alan…saw her eating medicine den noe tat she was sick…really touched tat she came all the wae down…was happie 4 her too coz she was contented & happie 2 haf a gd bf as b4…Jerlin, Liping, Sherwyn & Mike came late coz were held up by their work… most of my poly frenz left afta the cutting cake session coz sum of them got 2 work next dae & sum of them got 2 catch the feeder bus out 2 Pasir Ris MRT station..

my poLy frenz..

Fr left 2 rite: Shiou Song, Jian Hong, Benny, Stephanie, Alinia, mi Melissa Sheau Tong ---->

top fr the left 2 rite: Melissa, mi, Liping (i call her nuren), Jerlin, below fr the left to rite: Mike & Sherwyn ---->

my primary skool frenz fr Jing Shan Primary sKoOL...fr the back left 2 rite: Jack, Andy, Minghui's bf..the bottom left 2 rite: Jane (sec skool fren), Salina, mi Minghui, Trendy ---->

my SecOndary skool frenz fr PHS (Presbyterian High SkOoL) ---->

Juliana & Giant (Ju's hubby) last minute managed 2 cum coz Giant tk off fr his work…was realli realli surprised…thanx 4 ur effort…but I was veli sorrie tat food was not enough but luckily, my mum & siblings went 2 buy food be u all r here…when they rch, I told them wat happened..Juliana was telling mi tat the caterer of mine CDCS – Continental Delight Catering Services was not gd…she ordered b4 too…coz I was sharing wif her tat I ordered the food 4 how many person was more than enough as a lot of ppl advised mi how many pax I should order but when it came, the serving was fucking little…my relatives were saying tat food 4 52 pax was as if 4 onli 30 pax…den Juliana was sharing tat the food they gave was veli little 1….at tat time, I was fucking angry coz I was being cheated…haiz….but aniwae, Juliana they all understood was not my fault so din blamed mi…we took a foto afta they ate finished…

Giant, Juliana, Sandra, mi & Lingling ---->

Rite afta tat, Jody & Niza they all came..they r Giordanians fr TPY4…guess wat?? Tat blur Andy tot tat my chalet is at Changi den they went there…lucky, Niza called mi & ask where iszit? Else they b stuck at Changi looking 4 mi….but glad tat they instead of going hm afta getting the wrong location, they came here…we chatted as well, gave them food & cake 2 eat….& Jody complimented tat the chocolate was veli nice & tasted rich…of coz, I ordered the Best chocolate used 2 make tis Triple chocolate cake…wan my frenz 2 haf the best food & cake…moreover, is my BIG dae!!!

TPY4 team ---->

once most of the ppl went hm, i started cleaning wif the help of my sec skool frenz ( Jason, Tingyi & Baosheng).. indeed my frenz...thanx brothers... :) i wanna thank Candy as well 4 helping mi 2 bring back sum unused cup noodles etc so tat the next dae, i dun need 2 carry so many things back... realli appreciate the help of my frenz & oso appreciate tat all my frenz came 2 celebrate my 21st birthdae...luv ya, my frenz....keep in contact!!! all the bEst in watever u do... sTay HaPpie!!

chAngiNg CaMpaiGn soon....

2005-04-02T23:49:00.000+08:00

hi every1...i am back afta i had started working on the 21st MarCh 2005 in the new company...aniwae, inside got 3 offices, Kokanee, VisionX & Redwoods...i am belong 2 the new office called Redwoods which is owned by Adrian (Managing Director)...

mmm...where should i start?? let mi tok abt my working environment...its was fun...i njoy my working environment...nv work in tis kind of environment b4 & all the ppl in the office r willing 2 share wat they r taught & they r willing 2 teach....my trainer is Audrey...she is the 1 who recruits mi & i am attached 2 her...realli thank her so much 4 teaching mi so patiently despite i am a slow learner...

my current client is SingNet...no need 2 sae...of coz is dealing wif Broadband...yap, correct...my job is direct sales & i am situated everywhere at LTA....well, not too bad...it is challenging coz u will meet all sorts of ppl...on 21/3/05, i followed my mummy (Audrey) a few daes 2 observe how she approach ppl & do sales b4 i am on the field doing my own sales...i learn a bit fr another colleague, Alice, too....i started by appraoching ppl...at 1st, i realli dun dare but gradually a few daes, i am fine wif it & it fell within my comfort zone liao...

i started 2 do my own sales on Thursdae, 24/3/05 & i got 1 sale...Audrey does the closing 4 mi coz i still not smooth wif my closing yet...*thanx 2 Audrey* on Fri, i din close ani sales but on Sat, i close 2 sales on my own...heez...super happie...on Mon, 28th, i got 1 sales...Tues eat egg again (which is NO sales)...on wed, 30th, i got 1 sale...& most imptly, 31st March, which is the last dae of campaign wif SingNet, i got 4 sales....hurray!!! & fr Sat 26th till Thurs, 31st MArch, i got 8 submissions, i hit the criteria (criteria is 2 haf 8 submissions in a week, fr Sat till Fri) of moving on 2 the next stage of cycle of development but due 2 transition, which is changing of campaign, my promotion is hold back...but well, is okie as i am so new in the company & i am not well-equipped yet...aniwae, corporate trainer is onli a title, so long u r gd, who cares wat position u r....i rather get myself prepared b4 i move on 2 the next stage so tat i am able 2 train my ppl effectively & efficiently & my new ppl will b a duplication of mi...heez...

let mi go back 2 my office environment, every morning b4 we hit our location, we will haf team meeting, bell-gong session & office meeting...bell-gong session is veli fun...u muz b tinking wat is tat rite?? wuahahaha...well, let mi explain, as i mention earlier on tat on the last dae of SingNet which is a Thurs, i got 4 submissions, rite?? so the next dae when i go back 2 office in the morning, i can bash the gong & every1 in the office will shout my name....ppl wif 2 submissions will ring the bell & ppl wif 3 submissions & above will bash the gong...tats was real fun....during tat wk, fr the start i do my own sales till the last dae of SingNet, i earn $540....although there is no basic nor CPF...is fine coz it is due 2 ur own performance basis...the person who holds the bell-gong session is Lynn...she got a super loud clear voice....she is a trainer as well & i was attached 2 her on the last dae of SingNet due 2 sum changes as Audrey doing recruitment so i am not wif Audrey tat dae..was hafing fun working wif Lynn...at 1st, i tot tat she was fierce but afta working wif her, she is a veli nice gal as well...

aniwae, SingNet campaign aledi finished liao as my company aledi work wif them 4 abt 3 yrs or so & now our next campaign is Pacific Internet...we b hafing our long wkend b4 the next campaign starting next wk...hope tat i am able 2 do well in the new campaign...1 impt thing tat i cant wait the dae 2 cum & feel excited abt is next wk 8th April whereby i b celebrating my advance 21st birthdae at Aloha Loyang...yeah....can c a lot of my frenz..miss them so much....

to all my dear frenz, hope u all r doing fine...tk care... :)

YEAH!!! i got a jobbie liao...

2005-03-20T18:08:00.000+08:00

a wk plus nv update my bloggie liao...sorrie ppl...was kind of bz wif job search...let mi begin the journey of my jobsearch...

started sending resumes on the 9th & 10 MaRch...so was waiting 4 their replies....on 12/3/05, i received the 1st call fr a logistics company @ Changi Airfreight Centre & was informed tat i got the interview on Mondae, 14/3/05...alamak....super far when i travelled there...aniwae, the interview din go well smoothly as i realli dun noe much abt logistics stuff & so i din get ani response fr them..tat dae the weather was damn hot sia..

aniwae, i received another call on 15/3/05 fr a company call VisionX & i was asked 2 go 4 the interview the next dae...its a direct marketing company...their website www.visionxinternational.com is nice...fr wat i read fr their website, i find tat the company is gd...it will b able 2 help mi in my professional growth, instil confidence in mi...learn personal skills like ppl management, r/s development, mechanics of sales & leadership..so on Wed @ 1:30pm, i went for the interview situated at Mosque St..near Chinatown MRT..it was a group interview..i was 2gether wif 4 guys & another gal...was so stress coz nv had a group interview b4 plus when all the candidates r self-introducing tat time, i more stress as they r either degree holders or studi related 2 marketing...deep down in my heart, i was tinking tat i sure cannot make it liao..in the evening time, i received a call fr a guy called Chee Wai (Managing Director), who interview mi...he asked mi 2 go back the next dae @ 2pm 4 a 2nd round interview...i was super happie...

the next dae, 17/3/05, i went 4 the 2nd interview...it was an evaluation held by trainer..each candidate had an individual trainer...the trainer was 2 help Chee Wai 2 c if the candidate can go 4 the 3rd interview or not? Afta the evaluation held by a lady named Audrey, i went back 2 the office 2 hand in the evaluation form & do a 2 pages long questionaire...waited 4 a while & i was being called into a rm & a guy name Adrian went thru the short interview wif mi...asking if i am able 2 work on performance basis, no basic?? i replied yes & was able 2 start work straight awae...though is hard as it is paid by performance basis but i gonna try due 2 wat i can learn fr tis company & able 2 attain new skills...aniwae, afta everything, i went hm & was waiting 4 call....

i wait wait wait....evening liao still havent call....din even dare 2 go bathe & was worried coz yesterdae, he called mi around 7pm 2 ask mi 2 go back but on 17/3/05, going 2 b 8pm liao...when i was abt 2 bathe @ 8:10pm, i received Chee Wai's call & he said tat Audrey stood up 4 mi & so i was choosen 2 get in & was asked 2 attend a pre-management course on the next dae, Fri, 18/3/05...i was suPer duper happie & i shared the joy wif my dearest mummy coz she noe tat i wan 2 get in 2 tis company coz thru wat was written on the company website, i realli can learn 2 equip ,myself wif sum necessary skills which r able 2 help mi thru out my life..

on Fri, while attending the pre-management course, i got 2 noe Doreen, Irene, Edmund & Ryan who came in 2gether as mi...we r fr the same batch of recruitment...it was surprised tat click wif Doreen quite well & we went out shopping on the dae 2 find black pants or skirts..haha...we had dinner 2gether & fr our conversation, we realised tat our common fren is REGINA!! Regina is my poly fren & was her sec skool fren...wuahahaha...such a small world...

aniwae, gonna start work 2molo liao...pretty excited & nervous too...hope tat i am able 2 learn useful skills in tis company....well, hope tat Princess Amy finds her new job too...

ipod or creative mp3??

2005-03-07T11:51:00.000+08:00

i was searching online 4 jobs in the aftanoon 2dae....spend mi the whole aftanoon coz laptop got virus..so encounter probs...den late aftanoon den start searching online afta i scan my laptop...search till i wan die man...here need experience, there need experience...JIALAT liao...dun noe whether can get a job or not..haiz...sian man...

now is at nite 12:09am liao...was on msn...saw my primary skool fren, Raymond...he cum & asks mi,"What are you doing recently? I've been seeing you online quite often.." den our conversation starts..i ask him go & read my blog posted on 1st March of wat's going on coz i am tired of answering the same thing over & over again...

when he finished reading, he replied 2 my msn wif tis,"For goodness sake, for my sake, DON'T get the Creative mp3 player. Creative makes inferior products & The price of iPod mini has dropped." den i asked him,"so which 1 better coz a few of my frenz sae creative's function is better.."

he replied,"The old iPod mini, comes with a USB & Firewire cable, Charger, 8 hours of battery life costs S$299 now. The new iPod mini, Only comes with a USB cable, charged by using USB cable to a USB 2.0 port, 18 hours of battry life, sells for 330 or so....You know why they say Creative is better? 'Cause they are *ahem* jealous of us iPod users. Come on... It's so cool to own an iPod....Why care about the function? Heck the built in FM tuner and all the shit. A lot of people have feedback that the FM tuner can't tune perfectly... and why you need an FM tuner when you're playing your favourite songs in your iPod mini?"

afta tat, he sends mi tis website http://store.apple.com/1800-MY-APPLE/WebObjects/singaporestore coz i asks him got new ipod mini meh?? i was shocked 2 c tat there is new ipod mini...he added tat,"The new ipod mini comes in 2 capacities - 4GB & 6Gb...And of course, that's the retail price you saw. I know where you can get cheaper..."
I was so eager 2 noe coz i wan my pink ipod mini...so i ask him 2 tell mi where 2 get...he replied,"SGL, Sim Lim. I bought my iBook and iPod there. in fact, all my Apple products from there. That's the cheapest you can find..." he added on,"And by the way, The MediaSource that comes with the Creative players are not user friendly at all. it's hard to sync with your Creative players. All the people I knew who're using Creative players just gave up on that piece of software and they simply tried to put in as many songs inside the player as possible.. Unlike the iPod."

i asked him the new or the old ipod mini better?? he told mi tat, "New one can play up to 18hours, comes with only USB cable and you charge via USB 2.0. If your comp spoil, that's it. but you may want to buy an optional adapter that can plug into your house socket to charge your iPod mini. The old version comes with the Adapter. So good and bad for both. It depends."

i guess fr all these, i muz realli go & tk a look @ the NEW pink ipod mini...tink i getting tis afta i got a new job...heez...yeah!!! thanx, Raymond 4 ur info....ppl out there, mayb u all can tk a look @ the website...its juz 4 ur own reference...nitez.....

4/3/2005, a dae fuLL of activities!! haha...

2005-03-05T23:54:00.000+08:00

so tired 2dae...let mi tell u! i woke up @ 7PM 2dae...haha...super "earli" hor?? wahaha...the story starts............

yesterdae, i woke up @ 9:15am despite the fact tat i slept @ 5am...haha...slept 4 onli 4 hrs...wat keep mi up till 5am?? is becoz i was on msn playing solitaire showdown wif Guoliang!! haha...was addicted by tis game coz its challenging...i was once play tis game fr 12am-6am wif my fren...tis msn game was introduced by my ex-colleague, Huilin....thanx 2 her tat i got 2 noe tis game....haha...

woke up @ 9am coz i going 2 my gd fren's condo @ Woodlands 4 a swim, jacuzzis & steambath...wanna go 4 gym but din go coz too tired...doing all these coz wanna slim down!! i juz luv the jacuzzis...the gush of water cuming out & its like a massage...haha...not 2 4get the steambath which i realli njoy wif the temperature of 42-45 degree celsius...shiok man...b4 going into the steambath, i was hafing suntaning under the 12pm hot sun..my fren sweats like hell but i havent....tink sumthing wrong wif mi...tats y i proceed 2 the steambath...it had been so long ever since i went 2 swim coz eventualli i will tink of Rae...haiz..aniwae, around 1pm den i went 2 bathe & afta tat went makan den rest a while den go meet another of my fren 2 catch a movie @ Bishan GV....Hitch was a super duper funnie show..realli worth watching...i was laughing thruout the show & there is 1 part tat is quite touching...during the show, i received a call fr Adele...my xiaodi, Roger's gf....she asked mi wanna go Chinablack or not....she had a quarrel wif him...decided 2 acc her....moreover, i 2wks nv go club liao plus she stays opposite my blk...

afta my show ended @ 8:45pm, i went hm....telling Adele tat i went hm eat & bathe 1st...i meet her 10:30pm below her blk 520...walao, afta bathe, the sun burn is killing mi man...its so painful....1st time go club wif Adele...excited...heez.....she's a veli strong & @ the same time soft too....realli dun wish 2 c her cry.....hope tat everything goes well 4 my xiaodi & her....coz both of them realli luv each other so much....

when we were inside Chinablack, we went 2 get drink...afta tat, we went dancing....i was dancing at the podium & a stupid guy came & disturbed mi...i was so scared...juz in time, i saw my secondary skool fren, Weizhan wif my secondary skool x-bf, Sebastian...Weizhan saw mi 1st den we sae "hi" 2 each other....i was making eye signal 2 Weizhan tat the guy was trying 2 b funnie & i tried 2 shield awae fr tat guy...Weizhan told mi tat if there was ani prob, juz call them & their table was inside the VIP area 2gether wif Hongjie (my secondary skool fren who works @ CB)....afta tat, the stupid guy tried 2 cum over den i told Weizhan tat the guy was trying 2 b funnie....tat stupid guy tap on my shoulder den i straight awae tell tat guy tat Weizhan is my bf 2 scare him off....Weizhan stared @ tat guy & Sebastian came up 2 the podium & told tat nuisance guy off....Sebastian told tat fucking guy tat I am his ex-gf.....wow...tats cool of him, man.....realli thanx 2 Weizhan & Sebastian 4 their help....u all r indeed my frenz, thanx a lot!! afta tat, the guy shook hand 2 mi & sae gd luck 2 mi & my "so-called" bf & he added, " I luv u!" den he left the podium....Oh My Goodness sake!!! my hair stands man.....he was so sickening....i am realli lucky tat i got these 2 frenz 2 stand up 4 mi....

afta tat, i juz continued dancing....all of the sudden, sum1 touched mi on my leg fr the dancefloor....guess WHO?? it's our PrinCess Amy aka Miss Toh!!! i was surprised 2 c her & i hold her up 2 the podium & we danced 2gether happily.....she told mi tat her fren saw mi here, tats y she cum find mi....so thoughtful & sweet of her, rite?? afta a while, she went down & got back 2 her frenz 1st....aniwae, Adele, her frenz & I danced fr 12plus till 3plus den stop & we went 2 MacDonald 4 a drink as the music was not so fantastic....we went back @ 4am when the RnB music came back...wuahahaha..

i headed hm @ 5am when the RnB music stopped & changed 2 other types of music..when i rch hm, i bathe den i went 2 slp straight awae as i had a long tiring dae......but fun though as i kept myself occupied & i wont tink of anithing unhappie....oh yah, 1 more thing, when i was out wif Adele, Melvyn msg mi & i was kinda worry abt his probation...he told mi tat there might b no hope 4 his Shop manager post in Giordano....but no matter wat, dun gif up,k? juz gif it the best shot in watever u do! As long as u had done ur job well, there is nothing 2 b scared of, rite? i hope & wish tat everything will go well 4 u, no matter in work, finanical, family, frenz & etc.....gd luck!!

well, of coz all the Best 2 all my frenz too especially in work...dun b like mi, company closed down....now, i am realli @ a lost, man....but i guess my boss is not getting ani well too so i hope he can find a solution out soon as he juz had his 1st baby....aniwae, juz all the best 2 every1 around mi....dun worry, b happie...... :)

wat a BAD dae!!! sTop inVading mi!!!

2005-03-01T23:39:00.000+08:00

haiz.....2dae was such a shitty dae 4 mi!!! earli in the morning, i was a bit late..left hm @ 8:40am...so i decided 2 tk cab so tat i can rch the office @ around 9:05am which will b 5 mins late instead of tking train as the latest train i muz tk is 8:45pm...journey is fr AMK 2 Goldhill Plaza at Novena...

i took cab & i was at AMK 2wards Marymount route..it was jam so i told the taxi driver 2 change route by tking Bishan-Braddell Hill tat route 2wards Marymount Road...at 1st at Bishan, the traffic was smooth...when i rch till Braddell Hill, it was jam!! i was damn fucking pissed tat it was MORE worst & i should haf stop @ Bishan MRT 2 tk train but the thing is i had passby the MRT aledi...so i ended up rch the office @ 9:25am...when on the wae, i was decided 2 msg boss tat i would b late...but heard fr my account colleague, Wenhui, sae tat he called & sae tat he b back in office in the aftanoon so i din msg...haiz...should haf tk train 2 work...bloody hell, spent $13.20 on the cab juz becoz of tat stupid jam.....

well, its okie abt tat @ 1st....wat caused my dae 2 b MORE shitty was tat my boss came in the aftanoon afta our lunch & he tok 2 us...he tok 2 Wenhui & Amy @ 1st as the 2 of them r sitting 2gether...i onli heard tat he sae sorrie 2 them tat he couldnt employ them animore...the rest i hardly heard him den rite afta tat, he asked mi 2 go into his office...he told mi tat afta he did all the calculations, he sae tat he couldnt afford 2 employ mi as well as my colleagues..he sae the company will b closing & tat implied tat we becum JOBLESS!!!! he told mi tat we can go back 2molo @ 4pm 2 collect the Feb pay & dun need cum 2 work liao...he asked mi if he could juz pay mi the Feb pay & 2dae, which is the 1st March pay, dun pay mi...i tink abt it den i sae okie coz i can understand his situation of how badly it is as the company realli owe a lot of $ & summore, he juz had his 1st baby...so my heart forbid mi fr disagreeing wif his request & so i agreed upon his request..he sae thanx & nod his head....& even apologise....mayb i am too soft-hearted as wat Melvyn sae but tat's mi!! i couldnt bring myself 2 go MOM 2 sue him even he had not pay mi the CPF yet...i started work last yr 1st Nov so since Nov, i havent get ani of my CPF contribution yet..he sae he would gif us back & tell us not 2 worry...fr his situation he is in now, i dun wish 2 pursue...i juz hope tat he meant wat he sae by gifing us the CPF contribution...

afta tat, he told mi he b going out 4 a while 2 settle sum stuff & he would b back around 5plus in the late aftanoon..he asked mi 2 c if there is anithing tat need 2 pass 2 him or followup den let him noe afta he cum back 2 office...i asked him how abt his baby, condo, BMW 7 series & etc...he sae tat he realli dun noe @ the moment..i tink he realli @ a lost too...haiz...aniwae, lucky his wife is working...meanwhile, a cousin of him will tk leave fr her office & help up wif him in the office 1st...tats wat he told us...once he stepped out of the office, the 3 of us cried coz realli too sudden liao...

@ around 5plus, his cousin & him cum back 2gether..i hand over 2 my boss everything & documents tat i had done so far...all those sales quotations etc...& Wenhui hand over her account stuff 2 my boss's cousin & as 4 Amy, she hand over all her admin stuff 2 her...my boss told mi realli sorrie abt all these....

afta work, i headed 2 Toa Payoh Giordano 2 find my ex-colleague, Henry...upon cing mi, he asked mi y my eyes red..he tot tat i am tinking of my ex-bf again...i told him is not...den i saw Aunty Sally cuming back 2 shop afta her dinner break...den i looked at her & she asked mi wat happen & how's my work? i kept quiet & i began 2 break into tears again when i told her tat the company closed liao...afta tat, i tok 2 Henry & he sae tat he had aledi predicted coz i told him abt the company prob b4...he told mi tat i am still young, no need worry...he even asked mi go try Lee Hwa Jewellery...he asked mi go learn things fr there...he sae i sure can get in w/o ani1 help...i replied tat how can it b & it is impossible...he sae tat i got "ren yuan" plus based on my Giordano working experience, i sure can get in...i kept wondering y he said tat & realli dun believe..he added tat, " if u dun believe, u go try liao den within 6mths, u will gif mi a treat 2 thank mi!! " he alwaes sae things tat realli cum true leh...coz tat time when i was still working as a part-timer in Giordano, i got tis current job interview & he asked mi dun worry, sure will get in 1...& i realli got in & tat was my 1st interview when i cum out fr Singapore Poly...besides tis, there is still a lot of things tat he told mi & it happens...1 more thing tat i realli MUZ sae is tat, he noe how 2 read a person upon the 1st meeting, which i realli admire & look upon of...afta we finished our conversation, he asked mi 2 considered Lee Hwa if i dun wan go back Giordano 2 work.. Aunty Sally oso sae tat i can try...no harm trying....Henry straight awae help mi check the address of Lee Hwa main office..i tink he called his wife, Phyllis, 2 ask as he mentioned my name...i noe his wife thru him..both of them r juz like my another dad & mum...Henry alwaes gif mi advices & helped mi a lot...Phyllis gif mi relationship advices when she noe tat i am suffering in my relationship...i will nv 4get tat she sae, "things tat r hard 2 cum by haf more value"..

aniwae, tis was my 1st permanent job & i was kanna tis kind of mess..haiz...a stubborn mi dun wan heed my biological mum's advice 2 leave the company..NOW, becum JOBLESS liao...haf been crying whole dae..so tired..i hope tat all these will b over....wat i sad abt was tat my 21st birthdae is on the 12th April..will b hafing earli celebration @ Aloha Loyang Seaview Bungalow on 8th April..gonna haf buffet coz might invite 80 ppl or more...if add family & relatives, will go up 2 100ppl liao...den buffet sure go up 2 1k or more...i juz got & book tis chalet yesterdae...lucky, i book 1 nite wif the help of my policewoman fren, Candy, & get it @ a rate of $130/nite else if public rate, i got 2 pay $333/nite....thanx, Candy...haiz..1 more thing is i juz got an insurance policy...my feb pay onli can substain 4 my birthdae celebration...besides tat, i b hafing another celebration @ chInablack...sian..tinking how 2 open bottles of drinks tat nite...

i tink i gonna find a job fast rather than doing nothing now!! moreover, i gonna get a mp3 player (either creative N200 0r V2oo or pink mini ipod) coz my discman had spoilt & oso a canon ixus digital cam...most impt, i gonna get my Subaru!! haha..SUBARU will b my long term goal as i need 2 work hard & strive 2 earn more...lucky, i am single & haf no worries now...but was sad though coz tat sum1 is not there 4 mi..........

missing him!!

2005-02-25T00:51:00.000+08:00

now is aledi 12:51am!! every1 is slping...but i not yet slp...my young sis is in camp so i am alone in the rm...i close the door & i tink of Rae again...i tot of using my icq 2 msg him tat i miss him using an anonymous name..i juz put "sum1" as the sender & the text msg will b "i miss u!! :=( "
:=( depicts a crying face...i try 2 send a few times but cant send thru..i try sending 2 my hp den can send den i realised onli supported network den can send....his hp network is M1 whereas mine is Singtel...haiz...y muz he b M1??

Looking at our picture which is beside my bed....memories r floating back 2 mi....every second, every minute, every hour, juz every moment i spent wif Rae...i miss the daes...i even tot of calling him at tis hr coz i noe he is working now...i juz wan 2 call him 2 listen 2 his voice den hang up but i din do...he will noe tat i am the 1 who called coz tat my house no. is private no....i try tis once b4 during our 1st breakup...i remember is on my birthdae last yr...12th april 2004...i called around 10pm coz i realli wan listen 2 his voice....i hang up afta he sae "hello" a few times.....guess wat? he sent mi a msg @10:40:15pm," I noe is u... As a friend, just wanna wish a happy birthday... Hope tat u can 4get me n find some 1 better than me..." afta reading tis, i cried!!! till now, when i c the msg, i still will cry....lucky my young sis not around so i can cry out...tis is the reason y i dun wan 2 call coz he will noe is mi... den an idea struck mi!! tinking of asking his fren 2 call him den press conference call den i can hear Rae's voice liao...but it's aledi so late..i guess his fren is slping liao...aniwae, tis fren of him is called Leslie...he's a kind & friendly dude...alwaes help mi pass present 2 Rae last time when we aledi breakup...Leslie oso comfort mi @ times when i was sad..he has been a gd listening ear..thanx, Leslie...

aniwae, i remember the last time i hear his voice is 28/12/2004....wanna noe y?? u can read the post tat is posted on 28/12/2004...aniwae, another 3 more daes den is 2mths tat we nv contact liao...2dae is the 8mths 3 daes eversince our 2nd & oso the last breakup liao...wat i can sae is ONLI ---->> miss him..miss him..miss him.... i wonder if he is living gd now?? does everything goes well in his work?? colleagues got bulli him??? i hope tat everything juz goes well & smooth 4 him so tat he will b happie...

Rae, u noe how much i miss u?? i haf been trying 2 fight wif myself not 2 tink abt u but till now, i still cant do it... i realli dun noe how long tis is going 2 last....the pain of not hearing & cing u is realli tearing mi off apart...my heart breaks...u noe?? *sobZ*

tick tock tick tock...now is aledi 1:36am....teary Calynn is going 2 slp soon coz 2molo she gonna work....if she continues 2 cry, her eyes gonna b swollen...but she will onli cry 2 slp den she can slp....nitez...

vaLenTine's DaE???

2005-02-14T01:33:00.000+08:00

haPpie v.dae 2 aLL my fRenZ arouNd mi!!

well...juz been thru ChiNese new yr...2dae is VaLentine's dae liao...haiz...sian...no valentine!! wake up 2dae in the aftanoon den tink of him again...him?? which him?? my exbf, Rae!! he was the 1st bf tat celebrate v.dae wif mi...my past relationship b4 him,none of my ex bf celebrate wif mi....Rae is so special in my heart...though tis might appears nothing 2 u all but it is sumthing tat makes mi happie when i wif him...

we started 2 b an item on fri the 13th Sept 2oo2...so our 1st v.dae is on 14th Feb 2003....its a fri...he sent mi a picture msg @11:33:51am stated "HAPPY valentine's Day"...i was in skool hafing lecture at tat time...so sweet of him rite? the picture showed 2 mashi maro & in btween them..a sentence "happy v.dae"...at tat time,he noe i like mashi maro coz was cute so he send tat 2 mi....when i woke up 2dae, i tink of tat msg den now when i writing tis blog, i go & look at the msg!! sobz...tot of him again.... *cry* at tat time,he was working in his ex-company in amk industrial park...he finished work at 5pm...

on the dae (14.02.03), in the aftanoon, he asked 4 my house full address...i was wondering y but din ask much coz he sae juz asking but i was tinking if he gonna send flowers up...tats my wishful tinking @ 1st when i tot of it coz i tot tis will not happen 2 mi @ all....in the late aftanoon afta his work, i was waiting 4 him 2 cum fetch mi den we go out 2gether...around 7pm,he called & ask if there was anithing special happen?? i tot he was asking mi if got ani guys msg mi or watsoever den i sae no...moreover,nothing special realli happen..he sae he call mi back..den afta a while, my door bell rang...a guy wif a bouquet of pink roses..i was the receiver of the roses...guess fr who?? is fr Rae!! i was surprised..shock...happie of coz...nothing can express my joy at tat time...i still keep the invoice...its fr AMK blk 233....on the invoice,its his handwriting....couldnt bear 2 throw till now...its 11pink roses wif a heart-shaped card...though is cut fr vanguard sheet but i dun bother coz its a heartshape & its the content inside tat is the MOST impt...he wrote," HONEY.... Happy Valentine's Day. This is the 1st time we celebrate valentine's day. So hope that u will happy...I Luv U!! From: RAE." afta i received the flowers den i call him & tell him....now i noe wat he meant by if there is ani special thing happen?? afta a while, he rch my place doorstep liao...he style up his hair...veli nice...he purposely do it 2 make mi laugh...when he rch my place, my mum disturbed him sae he look like dragonball tat character....i couldnt 4get tat dae......afta tat, we went 2 haf dinner @ causeway pt....we go haf swensen...super long queue....a veli nice & sweet dae!!!!!! will stay in my memories..................................

wanted 2 write tis blog 2dae coz firstly, i am still tinking of him though i haf been trying not 2 tink...secondly, its valentine's dae...tink of how's he surprises mi wif 11 pink roses..my fav. colour summore....thirdly, i am still contact wif 1 of his fren, Leslie...he's a nice chap tat alwaes help mi pass presents 2 Rae when i no longer wif Rae...he is there 4 mi too when he noe i am sad...he got my msn so i tot fr his msn email can find his friendster...2 my surprise, i saw RAE in his friendster list!! i nv expect Rae go into tis kind of thing coz he dun uses internet....i guess his rm-mate cum gd fren cum buddy (Kelvin) helped him 2 create 1...coz they share gd & bad stuff!! i am still looking at his picture in the friendster fr 1am till now!! his picture is so near mi tat i can touched wif my hands yet his heart & real person is so.......FAR fr mi!!!!!!!! as i can c his profile tat he joined friendster in Oct 2004...last login 7 jan2005....status is single....tot he got gf aledi??? he told mi himself on 27 Dec 2004....tat's the dae tat i am feeling infinity needles piercing thru my heart...(read my blog wif tis title tat i had bold & italic the phrase 2 find out wat happen)..... aniwae, i sorta regretted finding his fren's friendster coz it's realli out of my expectation tat i will c Rae in there...summore Rae is on the 1st page of Leslie's friendster....last reason 4 blogging, miss him!!

i am writing tis blog while listening 2 my blog music "rite here waiting"....purposely find tis song coz when when i noe he got a 4yrs gf, i decided not 2 keep in contact wif him 2 prevent the both of us fr falling more deeper in each other...i sang tis song "rite here waiting" 2 Rae @ our old place called Blk C @ 9th storey coz my fav. no. is 9...tat's our meeting place...which is near my blk coz i stay in blk D...i happened 2 noe tat he got a gf in mid june 2002 when we r still frenz but aledi haf a liking in each other..its a mutual liking...we both noe...aniwae, fate still do bring us 2gether coz we r an item on 13 Sept 2002 when he was no longer wif his gf....they both broke up during the period of 10-12 Sept 2002...i 4got which dae he told mi..but aniwae, no matter wat date...tat's his past....he dun even mind my past so wat 4 i mind?? in short, i am happie tat he was once my history..once my bf...he's the best bf tat i ever luv...the 1 tat i luv MOST...although sumtimes i can sae 4get him in front of my frenz or scold him jerk of wat he had done 2 mi but DEEP down inside my heart....i do still luv him...tat i dun deny...ever since we broke up on 22nd June 2004, 7:35pm, i haf been single till now..i am not gaining ani1 pity or wat...is juz tat i had aledi lost faith in luv & i couldnt bring myself 2 luv another guy......luv cannot b share...luv is not a fleeting feeling...i dun wan treat guys tat realli luv mi unfairly so i dun wan 2 accept their luv even though they treat mi xtreme gd...treat mi like a princess...its true tat its nice 2 b luv & 2 b treated like a princess afta i had been hurt deeply...but no matter how gd they treat mi, i still haf my own stand tat i cannot hurt those guys tat luv mi...i dun wan them as a substitute or watsoever...the prob lies wif mi...its MI!! the obstacle is mi coz i still cant totally 4get Rae!!

i hope tat guys tat realli luv mi, dote on mi 2 understand mi..its juz tat i dun wanna hurt u guys...i had changed tremendously afta tis breakup...4 those tat noe mi...u all c mi fr a nice & naive gal changed 2 a wild gal tat STARTED clubbing afta my breakup on 22nd June 2004....i alwaes go clubbing every wk...3 guys tat luv mi aledi scold mi & ask mi 2 find back the old mi but.............haiz...i try,k? i try 2 slowly change le...i hope tat i will overcum tis too....i try,k?

its aledi 3am in the morning liao..haf been dropping tears till now...guess i got 2 stop here....aniwae, i wish tat he njoyed his valentine's dae & may he is showered wif luv everydae...miss u, fr ur so po (in cantonese) tat u alwaes used 2 call mi....tk care....

so haPpie NOW...

2005-02-03T00:44:00.000+08:00

haha..wat am i happie abt?? i got my picture in my blog...struggling 4 quite long 2 put onli 1 picture..haha..coz i noe nothing abt html...haiz...so chim...but guess who had help mi?? @ tis late hr 12:44am...is Miss Adele...my xiaodi's dearie....she is on msn wif mi...haha...both my xiaodi & Adele r my ex-colleagues working in IRAS afta our 'O'Level...

LucKy, Adele teaches mi a bit..i c all these till i wan go crazy liao..at least 1 foto is up & i am contented enough..haha...i shall continue 2 learn more abt html...she's my teacher now leh...wahaha...gal, thanx a lot 4 spending ur time wif mi thru msn 2 teach mi how 2 upload foto... *winkz* gd nite 2 u... may u haf swEet drEams..

gOing 2 faLL sIck soOn...

2005-02-01T09:38:00.000+08:00

haIz...tiS moRning waKe up, sTomAch not feeLing tat well agaIn...wat i meaN by agAin?? reCently, dun noe y stOmaCh not in gd coNditIon..haiz...nOt onLi tat, tiS mOrning, i fOund out tat i had sOre thRoat...yeSterdae aLedi stArt coUghing & 2dAe, soRe thRoat plus aRound my Lips like BuRning...nOw in the offiCe, i sUddeNLy couGh too hArD tiLL eyEs watEry..deN my cOLLeaGue, WenHui sae," CALYNN TAN, u better go C Dr"..

2dAe i am Late 4 arOund 10minS..no SaRdine puFf 2 eat coz i goIng feVer soon..wHen i rCH office, got a cUp of grAss jellY drInk on my taBle..my coLLeaGue, PriNcess Amy boUght 4 mi as shE kNew i hafIng soRe throAt as i msg heR tiS mOrning 2 teLL her 2 go wOrk 1st, no need wAit 4 mi @ AMK mrt as i'll b laTe & feEling sick..beSides tat, shE deManDs tat i mUz eat poRridge & NO chiLLi 4 mi...i hAte porrIdge leh...oh no!!! But cum 2 Tink aBt it, thEy r CaRing & swEet & i am reaLLi haPpie 2 haF theM as my cOlleaGues..aLL of us saMe aGe..borN in 1984...tuRning 21 tis yr..yeaH!!

i caLLed my KoR, MeLvyn, 2 c if he had aLedi woKe up cOz 2dae he wOrking MoRning sHift...he diStuRbed mi @ 1sT den i saE i no EnErgy 2 pLay wiF him coz I am siCk den he NaGged @ mi, asKed mi go C Dr afTa woRk...haiz..i noe he CaRe cOz he tReatEd mi as hIs pRincess But i onLi c 1 Dr @ New PaRk HoTeL there..i had ConSulted him siNce i waS in PrImaRy sKoOL..my medIcaL cOndiTion he noe well..onLi till WoRst 2 WoRst & caNt b heLp den i will cOnsuLt othEr Dr...kOr, "soRrie, i will go c whEn i reAlli caNnot tk it,k? bUt i will tk suM medIcine whEn i rCh hm.."

hOpe tat i wOnt faLL siCk coz ChInesE new yR cuming soOn...nOte 2 my frEnz out thEre..do tk gD caRe of ur heaLth & dun faLL siCk...stAy hEaLthy.." aN aPpLe a dAe, keEp the DoCtor aWae" wahaha....*wink*

faReWeLL paRty 4 my fRen @ ChInabLaCk

2005-01-26T09:56:00.000+08:00

LaSt fri, 21/1/2005, i went 2 CB wif my fren, RicHard...noe him thRu my ex-gioRdano colleague, Alvin...coz Alvin noe tat i got go CluBBing so he asKed mi aLong 2 Mdm Wong on 2/10/2004 2 his seC sKoOL cLass GatHeriNg afTa woRk...bAck 2 the StOry...

tat nite, 21/1/2005 aroUnd 9:55pm, RiCharD cum piCk mi up afta he FeTch 3 of hIs gUyfrenz!!afTa tat we hEaded 2 ChInaBLack...on our wae thEre in the cAr, he Sae he DrOpped us @ CB 1st den he gtg PAraGon thEre 2 pIck up hiS gf, TaSya, 2 cum 2 CB...aLL of uS wEre teAsing hiM & asKing him y dUn asK her waLk thEre siNce so nEar cOz we got 2 b tHeRe @ 10:30pm as i resErvEd a VIP taBLe & i aLedi tOLd the mAnager tat we wiLL rCh @ 10:30pm but hE inSisteD 2 go PiCk up her..

anIwae, we wAited 4 him @ the EnTraNce..juZ niCe, he was ThEre wiF gf aRound 10:40pm..& aLL hiS frEnz aLedi rCh..thEre r 8 of us!! RiCHard, TaSya, RoBin, big PaTrIck, sMaLL PatRicK, JaSon, MiChaEL & mi!! i onli met 1 of RiCh's frEn onCe b4 whO is smALL patRick...kkk, baCk 2 toPic agAin...we OpEned 2 bOttLEs of ChIvas WoRth $280 den EaCh of us pay $35...

aLL of hiS freNz r frieNdly...i guEss aLL of us R njOying ba...wat i remeMber is onli JaSon, RiCh & tAsya & RoBin cum up 2 poDium & daNCe..in the MiDst WhEn i am DaNcing, smALL paTrick kEpt aSking mi 2 asK gaLS out...*LOL*...suPer fUnnie guy..bUt laSt min leh, hoW 2 fInd?

whEn i wAs reSting & dRinKing as the SoNG was noT R&B, RiCH & tAsya were daNcing onthe PodIum & RiCh & a gUy neArLy got into a fiGht cOz the GuY waS tRying 2 daNce wiF TaSya..TaSya cum doWn & RiCh cOntInuEd daNcing & dIn waN 2 pIck up the FigHt but the gUy waNNa makE trOuBle..RiCh sQuAt doWn on thE poDium & i tELL him juz IgnOre the Guy coz we cUm heRe 2 njOy & dUn Let him sPoil oUr mood!! aLL of hIs frEnz r juZ waIting 4 hIm 2 stArt the *FiRe*!! wahaha..bUt luckily, he Din puRsued the mAttEr..

anIwae, 2waRds the end wHen we WeRe reSting, i fouNd out tat smaLL paTrick waS dRunk & he juz SaT doWn on the SoFa reSting..den i wAs tOKing 2 Rich's freN, MiChaEL..he's a NiCe chap 2 toK 2..kEep asKing him 2 daNCe but he saE he no KiCk as he DraNk quiTe LittLe as he goT gAsTriC tat nite..wHen i wAs tOking 2 hIm, tat fUcking guy tat waNNa picK up a fighT wif RicH feLL on mi fr the PoDium 2 the Ground..daMn fuCk..my back was in pAin & he sTep on my leFt haNd too..paIn like CrAzy & the sKin on my haNd peeled...he KePt saeing soRRie 2 mi & i JUz haCk caRe him den he Sae soRrie 2 MiChaeL as he Was besIdes mi & 2 the oThers of my FrEnz wHo cum & aSk mi if i am oKie or not!! tat sIckening guy reAlli pIssed mi off coZ it reaLLi huRts man!!

afTa tat, rObin gOt ice 4 mi & rUb agaInst my haNd 2 suBsiDe the paIn..we sAt a whiLe more den we LeFt CB & weNt 2 FaR EaSt PlaZa 2 get sum DrInk & chIt chaTting den we HeAded hm afTa tat...RIch sent MiChaeL hm..fOLLoweD by TasYa...den mi & JaSon weNt 2 RiCh's hm dOwnStAiRs as he got 2 reTurn the CaR 2 hiS dad...rObIn & biG paTrIck werE thEre too..thEy took CaB therE..we ChiTchatTed aBt the PaRty @ CB...we RcH around 5:30am & i LeFt them @ arOund 6:10am cOz i am TiRed & i dUn waNNa joIn theM 2 eaT rOti PraTa..aNothEr reAson is cOz i am on DIET!! haha.. evErydae siT in oFfice now, wiLL gRow FaT 1 daE...*HAIZ*

realli had a niCe time wif tHem..all r friEndly chaps...hoPe tat RiCh njOyed hiMseLf too cOz its kinda a fAreweLL paRty 4 him...aLL the BeSt 2 him 4 hIs advanced diploma in aviation (w flight instruction) @ Sydney...duN 4gEt us whEn u r thEre..noT 2 4geT my 21st BiRthDae in ApRiL too hor!! tk Care,dude!

MoMeNtS in LiFe...

2005-01-13T16:09:00.000+08:00

There r moments in Life whEn u miSs sum1
so much tat u juz wan to pick them fr ur dreAms
& huG them 4 ReaL!

When the Door of Happiness Closes, another oPens;
But often timEs we LoOk so Long @ the
ClosEd door tat we dun c the 1,
whiCh has beEn opeNed 4 us.

Dun go 4 LoOks; they can deceive.
Dun go 4 weaLth; even tat fades awae.
Go 4 sum1 who makes u SmiLe,
BecOz it takEs onLi a SmiLe 2
MaKe a DaRk daE seEm BriGht.
Find the 1 tat maKes ur hEart sMiLe.

DrEam wat u wan 2 dReam;
Go where u wan 2 go;
B wat u wan 2 b,
BeCoz u haF onLi 1 Life
& 1 chaNce 2 do all the thinGs
You WAN 2 do!

MaY u haF enouGh happinEss 2 make u Sweet
EnoUgh triaLs 2 maKe u StrOng,
EnoUgh soRrow 2 kEep u HuMan &
EnOugh HoPe 2 makE u haPpie.

The HappiEst of ppl Dun necessarily
HaF the BEST of everything;
ThEy juz make the moSt of
eVerything tat comes aLong thEir wae.

The Brightest FutUre will alwaes
B based on a 4Gotten paSt;
U cant go 4waRd in Life until
U Let go of ur PaSt faiLures & HEARTACHES.

When u were boRn, u weRe crying.
& EvEry1 aRound u was SmiLing.
LiVe ur Life so @ the End,
U're the 1 who is SmiLing & everY1
AroUnd u is Crying.

DUN count the YEARS -
CoUnt the MEMORIES......

misSing sum1 i LuV evEr...

2005-01-12T23:19:00.000+08:00

was on my wae back hm afta wOrk..beEn 2 JuNction 8 4 a whiLe b4 heaDing hm..a LonEly souL waLking the wae hm fr AmK mRt...my feELings?? MOODY!! MOODY!! JUZ MOODY!! y?? misS my exbf, Rae, AGAIN!! was walKing hm sUper sLow as if i wAs beiNg tied bY a MetaL baLL tat restricts mi fr WaLking hm...sInging a sAd sOng wHiLe waLking...waT the SonG mean is suMthing like "if i noe the rELationShip cum & enDed so fast, y Muz we met?" we beEn 2gether 4 more than 1 & a half yrs den BReakup den PatChed again & been 2geTher 4 anoTher a mth plus den tAts the eNd of oUr stoRy...beIng 2geTher as an iTem 4 1yr 7mths 15daes...can sAe LoNg can saE shOrt...but we BeeN thru LoTs of ups & doWns...

whEn i was waLking hm...i cAn c his ShaDow evErywhEre tat he was thEre b4...pLaces aroUnd my blk... 4 e.g. playgRound..bLk vOid deCk & etC...tInk of hIm wHen he cuM 2 my plaYgrOund 2 acc mi 2 sTuDi 4 my PoLy exAms..tinK & tInk..my teArs beGan 2 shEd...cOuldnt 4get tat he cum DoWn fr his Bike, run 2 mi & kiss mi wHen we aLedi broKe off 2nd time (tis haPpen few mths ago & i juz couldnt 4get tat mOment coz it was reaLLi out of my eXpEctaTioNs tat he did tat!!))...tat nite he wan hiS auDio cd baCk & i tOok caB to his plAce 2 rEturN him bY sLotTing into his Letterbox den he Was on His wae baCk hm fr woRk & saw mi on thE strEet walking hm so hE ofFered 2 tk mi hm..he Dropped mi at Blk A..whIch i haF 2 waLk 2 Blk D..aNiwae, veLi neAr onLi...i was Sitting at Blk A 2dae since 7:20pm & sinGing the soNg "rite here waiTing" coZ i oNce saNg tat 2 him b4 wiF my tEars rOlling dowN due 2 ceRtain reAsons....tiNking of tat Spite of mOment tat he Got down his Bike, ran 2 mi & kiss mi pLus i stiLL remember tat i ask him y Kiss mi?? he rePlied mi even though we Brokeup, he gaVe mi tat kiss beCoz he DUN wan ReGret...tiNk of tiS reply..i cry even more...coz i was tiNking if he reaLLi luv mi tat mUch, y wan LeAve mi like tat? he reAlli maKe mi so so sAd..deprEssed........ *sobz*

i left Blk A & heAded hm around 7:40pm as i waS goiNg bOnkerS soon if i cHose 2 stay put LonGer...drYing my TeArs & wAs trYing 2 cOoL doWn so tat my mum wonT noe tat y i crY agAin....buT deeP doWn insiDe my heArt, i stiLL do Miss him....exActLy 3 moRe mths, i'll b TurNing 21yrs old soOn liao & i waS wOndering if he will send hIs wisHes 2 mi or CeLebrate wif mi?? mi reaLLi dun waNna tink tat mUch Liao...haiz...

i noe u miGht not c all thEse msg coz u Dun suRf internEt but i stiLL waNNa wrIte wat i feel 4 u...Rae, i douBt u wiLL eveR noe how MuCh i miSses u......do u noe the FeELing of MisSing sum1 tat u LuV mOst & yeT canT c the PeRson is TeRrible & paiNfuL?? Rae, Calynn misses u...... I hOpe tat u r liVing haPpily nOw...I will Try 2 b strong...thOugh i reaLLi upsEt & hate tat u tReat mi in tis wae But i do sTiLL luv u...misS the gd old daeS wif u!! DesPite tat i Hate u, yet i stiLL hOpe tat everYthing goEs weLL 4 u!! tK caRe, Rae..

freNz....

2005-01-11T22:19:00.000+08:00

wat r frenz 4? wHo r ReaLLi my tRue frenz? a LoT of thiNgs had haPpen & i begaN 2 loOk at thiNgs in a DiFferEnt wae, DifFereNt aNgle....i gUess cErtaIn thiNgs u caN teLL 2 tis PaRtiCuLar peRson but SuMtimes u haf 2 keeP it 2 urSeLf...ceRtain frEnz u can tRust bUt cerTain freNz u caNt...it juz haPpen tat i haD confide cerTaiN pRobs 2 my FreN...thoUght tat my frEn could b tRusted bUt in tHe end, my so-caLLed frEn Let the CaT out of the Bag..waS prEtty diSappoInted...goT a leCture by aNother freN & waT she sAe Got into mY head..no mAtter how Gd in frenShip or eVen in BGR..thEre boUnds 2 b a ThIn line tat SeParAte them whereBy CeRtain thiNgs tat u rEaLLi canT tell & hAf 2 kEep iT 2 uRsElf!! oNce aGain, i hAd LeaRnt anotHer leSson...thAnx gal 4 tEachiNg mi tis LeSson..u noe whO u r...*wink*

well, i haf loTsa of freNz arOund mi wheN i am SaD & dOwn...eSpeciAlly my bEst frEnz in my SeC. sKooL (PreSbytEriaN hiGh SkOoL)...u noe who u r hor? ThErEsa, JaCqueLine & TrAcy...though we seLdom keep in conTact but when it cum 2 hafiNg conFerence caLL, we can tOk 4 sUper lOng hrs...& i nOrmaLLy faLL aSlp at tiMes..wahahaha...nOw, Jac & TrAcy had tHeiR owN LiVes liaO as in tHey r aTtached..feEL haPpie 4 tHem esPeciALLy Ms TrAcy Liu..as LeAst & FinALLi she noe the TaSte of Luv..As 4 Jac, the 3 of us r overJoy tat the 4 of us r baCk 2gether again..Jac, u noe y lah hoR? beCoz of ur exbf, we QuaRrel like mad & nv toK 2 eaCh othEr 4 more ThAn a Yr, juz BecOz we Care 4 u & LucKy, u did WoKe up...I wAs reaLLi gLad tat we wEre in coNtaCt aGain in LaTe aPriL laSt yr 2004...hey, c....No mAtteR waT haPpen? the 4 of us R stiLL baCk again!! sTrong frenShip ya...hOpe tat our frEnship can witHsTand the winD & raIn in frOnt of us!! As 4 my xiaomei, TherEsa, bOth of uS in sAme boAt tat enCountered pRobs in reLatiOnship..i wiLL rEmemBer wat u tOld mi & i wiLL tRy 2 b stRong..noe tat u oSo suFfer fr BreAkdoWn at tiMes...dUn cry aLoNe,k? i'll b tHere 4 u!! u'll b my bEsT sis & fRen eveR........

2 all my freNz...thaNx 4 beinG thEre 4 mi alwAes..ur nv Ending caRe & cOncern & of cOz adVices maKe mi gRow bit by bit...hOpe tat wonT piSsed u all off bY gRowing bit by bit due 2 my stUbbOrnness as u all noe...haha..i wOuld liKe 2 tk tis ChaNce 2 thAnk my PoLy freNz, MelisSa, LiPing & ShErry..ESpecIaLLy MeLisSa whOm aLwaEs thEre 4 mi & tRy 2 waKe mi up...thOugh we haD misUnderstaNdings in PoLy but sHe stiLL b thEre 4 mi..shE's a niCe gd fren..

LaStly, 2 all my nOrmaL, gd, BEst FreNz out tHere.......MaY ouR freNship stAys...tk CarE my FreNz.......

u nEed noT b wiF the pErson if u rEaLLi luV him/heR

2004-12-28T23:59:00.000+08:00

2dae, i decided 2 gif Rae a call..i call him at 11:40pm..he asked mi y called him? Den i ask him 2 keep quiet 2 let mi tok finish den i hang up liao..he sae okie...i told him tat i call him was 2 apologise tat i cup his call last nite as i was too furious when i heard he was wif Lisa, whom he told mi b4 tat they r impossible & moreover, during tis mth Dec, he still claimed tat he still do wan 2 b wif mi if i changed 2 b a gd gal tat listen 2 him...i was shedding tears when i was over the conversation wif him..

I told him tat I hope tat he would keep all the things tat i haf gave him...keep all those fotos tat we had taken & the 500 jigsaw tat i had done 4 him as a memory...I sae tat i thank him 4 all the wonderful memories tat he had given mi & i tell him tat i wont 4get those sweet memories when we were once 2gether & he b in my heart...the name "CALYNN" tat he had helped mi tink of in May 2003, will b wif mi 4ever coz tat is sumthing tat he left 4 mi..i realli LUV tis name tat he had tink of & both of us choose tis name rather than the other name tat he tink of becoz of its uniqueness...

Besides all these, I mentioned tat i do realli still luv him & i nv STOP luving him afta the breakup but since he had got another gal, wat i can do is 2 wish him all the best & hope tat he will b happie...he sae he got 2 work liao den we hang up at 11:48pm..

He msg mi at 11:54pm, "Thanx anyway.."

2 make tis call realli need a lot of courage & determination & was realli hard 2 tok 2 him coz i do still luv him but 1 thing 4 sure, was tat as i told him yesterdae tat i will nv & ever trust & 4gif him again coz he realli stabbed thru my heart wif a knife wif his both hands wif all his STRENGTH & tat HURTS!!! ouch!! i had fallen fr a damn great height...Save mi!! no1 can save mi...onli MI can save & help myself 2 pull thru tis obstacle...

Well, aniwae, i called him coz i juz gonna make a COMPLETE fullstop 2 tis as i was sorta irresponsible 2 cup down his call last nite..though Rae cant c tis as he dun uses internet but i still wan tell u tat," I dun expect 2 b the most impt pErson in uR life, tat's mayb too muCh 2 ask 4..wat wouLd maKe mi hapPie is tat u wouLd remember mi & kEep mi in uR hearT & if 1 daE u heArd my naMe, u will SmILe & sae (tat's my exgf")" COZ u msg mi on 29/11/04 tat i am the 1 who u Luv most! Dear Rae, u r the 1 i luv most too...

infiNity NEEDLES pierCing thru my heart

2004-12-27T10:18:00.000+08:00

sitting in the office now..feeling super fucking down...super duper sad & heartbroken...received a msg fr Rae tis morning @ 4:10:24am,"Calynn,stop suffering urself..not worth 4 u 2 do tat since i dun Luv u anymore..anyway,i got a gf d(his short form of aledi) at my hmtown..It is true..i din mean 2 hurt u..Hope u just 4get abt me..take care..nitez.." i dun noe y i suddenly wake up 2 c tis msg...my hp was on vibration mode...i slept around 1:30am..supposingly 2 b veli tired & wont haf ani feeling if hp vibrated coz afta we broke up, i din bother if my hp rang or msg cum in coz its not him...

The moment i read the msg, i was awake...it was such a sudden news...my heart tat is aledi full of hurt, disappointment & sadness began 2 SHATTERED when the news break 2 mi...i reply him telling him y till now den tell mi & i HATE him coz last Fri (24/12/04), he actualli wanna pass mi a Xmas gift coz i do him a 500pcs of jigsaw puzzle 4 him...he stated at nite so i tell him is okie...Sat aftanoon time will do...i msg him..asking him WAT he treat mi as?? He nv reply 2 tis Qn.. & he juz reply @4:17:52am tat," We just start this relationship..N just wanna tell u even though i dun have gf,we r really impossible 2 b together..Bcoz i will leave this place n u.."

I called him & we tok...he told mi tat gal is his neighbour...they noe each other 4 ten yrs liao..her name is LISA!!! tis gal i heard him mentioned b4...she used 2 like him & alwaes msg him when we r 2gether... he alwaes sae he & her r nothing BUT now leh?? he tell mi tat he realli luv mi & luv mi most when we broke up but in the end, wat happen? i keep crying there & wat he do?

He stays in AMK in a 1-rm flat blk wif no doors..he msg mi on Fri (24/12/04), tat his fren, Kelvin, is not cuming back hm 2 slp fr Fri till Sun...i onli reply "oic"...i noe wat he tinking...tats y i sae i meet him Sat (25/12/04) aftanoon b4 he goes work 2 get the Xmas gift...wat he EXACTLY treat mi as? i scold him & sae i Hate him...sae luv mi but in the end wat happen? den wat 4 wan 2 meet mi?

I oso finalli realise in my heart tat y i got a unknown M'sian call by a gal on 12/11/04 when he went back hmtown...got 1 dae (11/11/04)...nite time...i msg him asking him how was he doing afta a mth nv contact...we chat thru msg & he msg mi his notes in his hp whenever he cannot slp..the note is sent @ 11:08:27pm,"I dunno y my mind keep thinking of her.. Though i broke up wif her,but.....We broke up 4 more than half year i think..if i not wrong.Every Nite when i am closing my eyes,her face surely will appear in my mind..i really really dunno y all these happened 2 me.Since she Luv me so much,y she still do something tat will make me angry?I already gave her a last chance 2 change herself..but she changed bcome more n more worst...But i really wan 2 noe how cum she changed 2 another person.When i noe her,she very appreciate me.Even can lied 2 her mom 2went out wif me.I din ever asked her 2 do so.I swear..REALLY Nv..But after we patched 4 once,she changed 2 another person d (his short form of aledi).Other than tat,we noe tat her parents dun like me from starting till now!! Izzit Bcoz im a MSIAN?? Ya!!Obviously..coz her mom kept asked her better dun b wif me!! Tat was hurt! Who noe my feelings? Nobody noe it. :'( I already try my best!" I was touched 2 c all these..realli... i read tis yesterdae & was touched...tats y i msg him but i ask him dun reply coz i dun like negative reply or cold shoulder...i msg him around 12plus..till 4:10am,he msg mi...aniwae, tis note was sent on Thurs (11/11/04) b4 he went back Msia..

I dun noe y he go back, i din ask coz i dun haf the rite 2 ask...& i am contented enough tat he msg mi tat coz breakup so long, he alwaes NV tell mi how he feel...& no matter wat i msg him...the reply 2 mi was so cold..tats y i try not 2 msg him animore...i nv STOP luving him...NV...no matter how much insecurity he gif mi...i was realli BLINDED by luv & believe in watever he sae...On Fri nite (12/11/04), i was hafing conference call wif my best frenz, Theresa, Jacqueline & Tracy...half wae thru, i received an overseas call @around11pm+...i tot it was HIM!! & was overjoyed!! BUT is NOT!! is a GAL!! a gal i din noe...she called up & asked mi who am i?? Wat the hell is tat? it was so DAMN RIDICULOUS!! who on earth was she?? i ask her who was she? She tell mi tat her fren's hp got my number so juz wanna ask who am i?? She CLAIMED tat she cum fr KL & she even sae out her "name" (i 4gotten the name liao)..she told mi tis," u dun need 2 noe who am i,u juz tell mi who r u & wat's ur name?" i nv tell her & all of a sudden, she hang up my call liao...i guess mayb "Rae" was back 2 her tat's y she got 2 hang up else Rae will noe...last time when i noe Rae, he told mi tat his exgf, Annie, got tk his hp & c oso (c is okie but she copied every gals no. down)...when i noe him in May YR2002,i din noe he got a gf...till the gf call mi during MID JUNE Yr2002 & i was damn shocked & sad as i aledi slowly fallen in luv wif him...the BEST part is he tell the same thing 2 mi & Annie...2 mi he sae,"morning i go work,afta work cum meet mi else play basketball den go hm slp..where got time meet other gals?" 2 Annie which is his gf @ tat moment when we r not 2gether he said 2 her,"morning i go work afta tat play basketball den go hm watch tv,when time is up, i go fetch u back fr work den whole nite wif u,where got time meet other gals?" SAME rite? haiz...aniwae,abt tat fucking gal call, i guess all Msian gals r like tat so unreasonable...y dun straight awae ask him? call mi 4 wat? 2 show tat she is his gf!!! haf they ever spare a tot 4 other ppl's feelings??? Fuck lor,i dun even haf ani frenz in KL...@ 1st, is true tat i suspect Rae...i admit coz everything so coincidence..y suddenly i msg him b4 he go back den STRAIGHT awae next dae, such NONSENSE happen....tat time i onli suspect tat fucking gal might juz anihow popout a name & country..but the KL gave her awae...coz Rae is a Msian & she is too!! NOW, it gif mi a higher percentage of confirmation tat the bitch might b Lisa...coz how can the timing & everything b so rite??

i guess afta our breakup,Rae & Lisa had been contacting each other liao else how can they b 2gether now?? if tat's the case, how can he still haf the cheek 2 ask mi go his place & oso hope tat i can sacrifice my frenz & mayb my parents in order 2 b wif him?? i keep tinking things thru till i decided 2 b wif him & wanna try 2 sacrifice frenz 4 him but ENDUP?? tis is wat i get!! i did call him on 19/12/04 & ask him 2 patch coz tis time decision lies on mi as i mention in my blog earlier on...but he dun bother & sae he was hafing supper wif his fren...female summore..at nite 1am (20/12/04)...Fuck lah..dun like mi go out wif my guy frenz but wat the hell he do?? summore is so damn fucking late...he can even tell mi is juz a fren...4 my case oso fren wat...he alwaes dun like mi 2 do certain things but in fact,he din even do it himself,nv set an example so where does he haf the rite 2 critisize mi??

Aniwae,back 2 tat unknown Msian gal's call case....Although I haf his hm no. & 3 other of his hp no. but i dun noe which no. can i rch him so I decided 2 msg her biological young sis which is of the same age as mi coz i got her hp no. as got 1 time when he went back 2 his hmtown, he used his sis no. 2 msg mi..I admit i did ask her if Rae was in KL at tat pt of moment or not & I told her 2 ask Rae 2 call mi back ASAP & i told her y....she replied mi tat he was not in KL den since she said tat..its okie...i believe her coz i c no pt tat she will lie 2 mi...Rae din get back 2 mi straight & i waited & waited...a msg cum in....my heart pumped super duper fast whenever my hp rang & i couldnt xplain 2 myself y since he is aledi my exbf..guess wat? he msg mi,"Yes,wat can i do 4 u?" Crap lor...his sis aledi told him wat happen liao den still ask tis kind of fucking qn..i ask him 2 call mi back ASAP..got things 2 ask him & he replied mi tat can juz tok thru messaging...wat the HACK is tis? Y cant he call mi? I try 2 call him & he nv pickup..call 2nd time den the hp aledi off coz i heard voicemail straight...i get so pissed off & i was sad...i waited 4 quite sum time & @ 12:45am, i msg him if by 1am nv call mi back den tats it!!! afta i sent, i received his sis telling mi tat Rae's hp low batt...i was tinking fuck leh,if no batt still can msg her sis but not mi...wat LOGIC is tis?

He called mi in the middle of the nite at 2:02:00am & asked mi wat happen den i tell him & said," wat 4 now den call back & so coincidence ta ur hp no batt meh?" He told mi tat he was sick & was all along at hm...2 b frank, i dun believe coz at hm cannot charge hp? At hm, no telephone?? NONSENSE lah...he last time no like tat 1..if hp no batt,he will change batt as he got xtra batt...though i am naive but not 2 the extend of this kind of SIMPLE thing i oso dun noe...Y muz he lie 2 mi since he sae he luv mi?? He told mi tat the next dae(13/11/04, Sat) den he go KL...wat i can sae is tat,"I dun haf ani KL frenz & i dun haf tis kind of fucking prob tat a gal called & ask mi wat's my name b4!!!" he told 2 mi in a veli STERN tone tat even he has frenz in KL doesnt mean he got female frenz there...wat can i sae? i onli can keep quiet & sae yah...i am juz like a tiny rat when i wif him coz afraid tat he might angry...i HATE myself whenever i wif him coz i cant realli sae how i feel!! i haf 2 b cautious in watever i wan 2 sae BUT i do REALLI LUV RAE so much so i dun mind as long as he luv mi & care 4 mi...haiz...

u noe? i am real sad...sad 2 the xtreme..sad 2 the core...juz like infinity NEEDLES pierCing thru my heart...my heart realli bleed profusely tis time in tis relationship...

Xmas is CuminG....

2004-12-23T15:53:00.000+08:00

Xmas is cuming...& tis yr i am not looking 4ward 2 tis yr Xmas becoz my exbf,Rae is not around wif mi...tinking of the surprises tat he gif mi...Yr 2002 we 2gether on 13 SepT...we had oUr 1st cHristMas ceLebration..he gif mi a BIG balloon wif a reindeer inside...its so SweEt of hiM...i remember cHristmas eve,we wenT 2 BisHan Junction 8 catCh a midnite show at 11plus...afTa tat, we waLked hm...coz we stAying in Amk..we stRoLL aloNg the QuieT strEet & sanG duet songs..2 ppl,they might tink is crAzy 2 waLk hm BUT 2 us especially mi, I find it Romantic & sweEt...yR 2003 VaLentine's Dae, he orDered a bouquet of pink Roses 4 mi (noeing tat i like Pink)...i was given a ShoCk in my Life coz tat's so SwEet of him...he is FuLL of surPrises 2 maKE mi haPpie..none of my exbf celebrate xmas or valentine dae wif mi b4...not even my exbf called Ruoxuan, who was wif mi b4 Rae..i was wiF Ruoxuan since i was in Sec 2 & was wif him 4 a period of 3yrs 10mths & was the LONGest r/s tat i ever had but we din Even celebrate ani ValenTine's Dae...could u believe it??

In yr 2003 Xmas, Rae CeLebrated wiF mi too...noeing tat i liKe a FOSSIL watch wif the blinking stars a lot...he gEt it 4 mi...din ExpEcted tat coz i aLwaes wanTing him 2 saVE $ 4 himself as he is a M'sian & so hiS $ is haRd 2 earn in S'pore...i sHowed him the waTch fr the CLEO magaziNE & whEnever afta skool, i go CheCk if the priCe will Drop & he wiLL alwaes sae Dun b siLLy..where got drOp so easily 1?? he diN eveN meNtion anithing tat he wanNa buy & sO i was Super DuPer surpriSed & toUched when i receIved the giFt...he Even WraPped it himSelf nicely 4 mi...tiLL now, i stiLL keEp the wrApper...

Rae is the 1 & ONLI BF tat CeLebrate Valentine's & Xmas dae wif mi...hi$ fuLL of surpRises liGhten up my liFe though we QuarrEL at times....2dae suddeNly tot of all thesE & i starT missing him agaIn....

So.......i started 2 msg him telling him tat i noe i shouldnt msg him but tinking of Xmas cuming...den i tink of all the surprises he gif mi on Xmas & Valentine's dae tat i mention above....plus i oso mentioned 2 him tat, now I was LisTening 2 the Song "Bu zhi De"...my eyEs feeLing sour & teaRs staRt 2 flow...the main thing tat i wanna tell him is tat i hoPe he wiLL b there on my 21st biRthdae next yr...though is stiLL earli coz is in ApriL but i juz wanna ask him 1st becoz he haD nv haf a proPer ceLebration of my biRthdae b4 & i added on telling him tat is my 21st BiRthdae so if i got ani ceLebration, i Hope he Cum....

he Reply mi @3:09:16pm," I will meet u on sat 4 a while..b4 i go 2 work.." the momeNt i saw tis msg, i was gLad & teaRs roll dowN again...i replied,"Oh realli?If juz meet mi den okie..If meet mi 2 return things tat i buy 4 u, i dun wan..So can u cum on my 21st birthdae next yr?" I sae tis 2 him becoz sumtimes wheN quarRel or watever, he sae breakup den sTart digging things tat i bought 4 him & sae wan retuRn mi & wan go our oWn waes...i duN waN all these...i wan him 2 keep it as memory...espEciaLLy the 500pcs of PreCious MomEnt tat i had juz did 4 him..it tk mi a lot of eFfort 2 do...1st time did tiS kinD of thinG tat reqUire effort & detErmination 4 a guy i luv...summore, Rae is aledi my exbf..i reaLLi hope he TreAsure tat puzzLe...he replied @3:44:59pm,"Dun worry..Dunno..See how 1st.." Fr tis i can meet him in a peAcefuL mind...i am waiting 4 tis cuming Sat (25/12/04) NOW..................as 4 2nd part of his reply saeing dunno..see how 1st.. was refering 2 my birThdae & i din reply coz i dun wanna FoRce him 2 cum..if he gOt the heaRt & wan 2 cum, he will Cum & celebrate wif mi 1...haiz..so sad 2 hear tat But of Coz i hope he gif mi SUrPrises on my birtHdae by turNing up on my celebration....

bRoken dOwN

2004-12-10T13:40:00.000+08:00

i am sO sad..So maNy thiNgs had haPpen...Wed i came 2 ReAlise taT my gd fRenZ beTraYed mi...i NV exPected tis kiNd of tHing wiLL haPpen 2 mi...ThuRs, hafiNg woRk prObs...soRt of BoMbArded by my bOs$..staRted my WoRk sinCe 1st NoVemBer 2004, so NoW i aLedi woRk 4 aRound 1mth 9daEs liao...

on the SAME dae (Thurs, 9/12/04), i recEived a msG fr my ex-bf, Rae...he msG mi @ 11:47:05pm, " As a fren, just wan 2 tell u tat i already decided 2 leave singapore..my work permit valid till this sunday..haha..Take care n live well...wish u all the best..Nitez.." The MoMent i c tis Msg, i Cry & i CaLLed & ask him y & wAt haPpen?? he waS woRking & his CoLLeaGue is bE$ide him so he iS inConveNienT 2 tok...i mSg him & sae Afta woRk den call mi...

Afta work, he Gif mi a miSs call @ 12:49:15am...coZ he nOe i aM at hm & i wiLL caLL baCk uSing my hOuseFone...wE toK a lot..abt WaT haPpen iN hiS woRk & ouR stuFf..he sAe taT no MaTter Wat, he aLedi deCided 2 gO baCk eitHer b4 or aFta ChinEse NeW yr...he MenTionEd taT thEre is NothiNg 4 hiM 2 sTay in S'pore...i KeeP asKing him,"waT if becOz of mi, wiLL u StAy?" a Few timEs he Din an$ & i caN feeL tat he iS obviousLy aVoidiNg the Qn...den wE toK abt wAt if we r 2geTher agaIn etc...he menTionEd tat i HaF 2 saCriFice my FrEnz...he DuN liKe mi 2 go Out wiF frenZ ofTen...wat I mean is GALFRENZ...guyfrenz of COZ no neEd sae Lah..guyfRenz 2 mi if DriFted apArt is Okie as i Got my exbf, Rae, but GalfreNz canT coz thEy r alwAes TherE 4 mi wHen i feeLing down...hOw caN my WoRLd b ONLI him?? iF he CaN do it, deN i do BUT he EveN got hiS owN gaLfrenz..he CaN teLL mi is JUz nOrmaL gaLfrenZ but miNe oso noRmaL guyfRenz mah...i feeL so inSecUre & diSaPpoInted in Him...diSappoinTed as in hE dUn eveN tRu$t mi...aLL my fRenz can c hoW muCh eFfort i Put in BUT he Juz duN tRust mi & he dUn haf conFidenCe in himSeLf..i LUV him 4 waT he is...i Dun MinD he is a M'sIan..dun miNd he $tuDying LeSs thaN mi...

i reAlli tRuLy luv Rae a Lot...thOugh we aLedi brOke up siNce 22/6/2004 BUT i haf NV STOP luvinG hiM...we Haf brOken up Once in 17/3/2004 & paTched baCk on 11/5/2004 den BrOke up aGain in 22/6/2004...haiz..............*SOBZ* aniWae, he EvEn did mEntion i miGht haf 2 gEt prePared 2 saCriFice my pArents...tinK he saE tat cOz i miGht haF 2 foLLow him baCk 2 hiS hmTowN, Kuantan....aT laSt, i aSk aGain, waT if he stAy in S'pOre becOz of mi, FiNALLi he Ans tat I haF 2 chaNge lor..b a gd gaL & maKe freNz sacRifices, stop cluBbing all thOse...sTop clubbIng i can Try as i oNLi staRted ClubbIng afTa he leFt mi as i waS sad But of cOz, i nEed tiME!! AniWae, i wAs crYing sinCe i goT thE msG & thrUout the WhOle conVersaTion tiLL i hang Up wiF hiM @ 3:17:40am...

1sT bLog

2004-12-09T17:15:00.000+08:00

goTta my 1sT bLog 2dae wif the hElp of my sis-coLLeaGue, Ivy...